It’s the Zeebo! Who cares?

Digital feces...

So, the Zeebo has been released in Brazil, and holy crap who gives a damn!  Obviously I care enough to write a post about it, but only because I enjoy mocking things.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Zeebo, it is a new video game console developed for emerging markets, which delivers game content over a cell phone network.  Think of an Amazon Kindle with less interesting content available.  Apparently, “designed for emerging markets” must be a new industry buzz-word that roughly translates to “let’s dump all our old, outdated shit on people who don’t know any fucking better so we can get our cut of the 15 bottle caps they make per week.”  Brilliant!

According to on article I read, it will have the processing power somewhere around the level of a Sega Dreamcast.  Well, that would explain why the titles I used to play on my Dreamcast are the ones shipping for it.  I did enjoy the games they will be offering on the system 10 YEARS ago, but even at only $10 or a game, I don’t think they’ll be worth it.

The thing that really chaps me about the console is the price.  For a substandard system the price is insane.  Yes, an XBOX in Brazil costs around $1,000, but you can get a bootlegged system for around the same price as the Zeebo.  Let’s see now, I can spend my money on shit that would have been cool a decade ago or something that will keep a retarded chimpanzee entertained for more than an hour.  Hmmm…tough choice.

A tidbit out of another article said they may have payment plans available for the machines.  Awesome!  Then the emerging markets can find out what consumer debt is like!  Welcome to the party, you’ll never get to go home.

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Ahh yes, that brings me to the digital delivery of content.  Digital delivery of content as an option: Great!  Digital delivery as the only method: Bollocks!  Look at what they’ve made me become; I’ve had to resort to a British term to truly express my unhappiness with this retard-o-gadget. 

But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this planet, it’s that people are complete and helpless morons.  I’m sure emerging countries will sniff it up like digital cocaine and consider themselves fortunate that they have such a great product the developed world doesn’t have.  At least we know where we can dump all our unwanted Chrysler flotsam after they finish flailing like spastic thee sloths.

I’m sure the Tech Support will be a dream in an emerging market too!  Have fun jackasses!